It's not the Income, it's the Outcome

There are many times in life where you feel like you've hit a brick wall, where you don't see the point of all the things you are working for or what the outcome will be. One of these times hit me last night when after I went to bed at around 12:30/ 1 ish, I was still awake staring at the ceiling at 5:30. All I was doing was seriously having a heart attack (my heart was beating sooo fast) because I was going over and over all the things I have to do in the next couple of weeks. I still need observation hours, I have multiple papers and projects due, oh ya and not to mention the Praxis II next Saturday which I have to pass this time in order to student teach in the spring otherwise I'm out of luck and going home and  all the classes I've done well in over the summer, this semester's classes, and all my observation hours will be for nothing if I don't pass. Also all of these things have to be done before my cousin's wedding over Thanksgiving so I have to turn stuff in early. I have a capella ( which literally is my saving grace at school I love it so much) and also work in Williamsburg and at the North Riverside church after-school program three days a week. This may not seem like a lot, or it might to some people, but the work load is killing me. I had boot camp at 6 o'clock, and also had to be in Williamsburg for AVID tutoring at 8. I do not function without any sleep, therefore I did something I hate doing which is not going to things I have obligations too. Funny thing is, even though I didn't go to those things so I could sleep, I still couldn't sleep. So before I went to work at the church, I bought some sleeping pills for tonight because if I do not fall asleep tonight I will honestly go insane. The point of this rambling is that tonight in my class we had a lesson on teaching morality in the schools. It made me remember why I want to be a teacher and reminded me that all this work I am doing is actually for a purpose. Yeah true, I love history, but I don't love it that much to where I want to devote my life to it. So why teach high school? Well the answer is I grew up with it, and I've seen how many fun and meaningful experiences it can bring to your life. My dad is a high school principal and works extremely hard to provide the best school environment for the kids by being fair and respectful to all of them. The best part of this is it's the "bad" students, the kids on drugs or in jail that he has really made an impact on. My favorite example of this is when he got a letter from an ex student in prison who was trying to change his life around. In the letter the kid wrote to my dad that even though he always was on his back and trying to make him do the right thing, and even though the kid didn't like him at the time and he was suspended by him a couple times, my dad never gave up on him when a lot of other people in his life did. High school is such an important time for people, they aren't really kids anymore they are morphing into adults. You as a teacher can either make or break their view on education and learning. You also are the last hope to make school a positive experience for them if it hasn't been. I want to make learning fun. I want the kids that are in my class who have never heard a Jimi Hendrix song, or seen the Office to be familiar with them by the time they leave my classroom. My favorite teacher from high school, Mrs. Smith always used to say to us, "Don't let your books get in the way of your education!" which is something I firmly believe in. Yes, make sure you teach the students what they need to learn, but it's the hidden curriculum, the moral and life lessons that are the most important in my eyes. Who actually remembers a history lesson they learned from 10th grade? You don't. You remember a funny talk you had with a teacher, or a time when a teacher was nice to you when no one else was. It's kindness that counts. It's funny how life works isn't it? You could have the worst day because you are extremely exhausted and want to quit school, and then something comes along at night to remind you that what you are so stressed about has a purpose. So to finish this ramble, it's not the income, it's the outcome. Thank god for teachers.